I have a fair bit to say that I haven’t felt I’ve been able to talk about, due to ongoing legal issues. This is, believe it or not, the Cliff Notes. XD
If you want to skip to the good news, jump down to 30 Days of My Life Completely Changing. 🙂
Getting Divorced 2019-2022
I was married for 25 years, in a very… unhealthy relationship (no, really… codependency, gaslighting, outright deception, clinical neglect, and… worse). The relationship itself ended just before COVID hit, and I’ve been trying to get actual paperwork signed ever since. Instead, it’s been a very messy divorce for the last 3 years. Thank goodness the kids are all adults!
Since this was all an ongoing legal battle, I couldn’t really talk about anything publicly.
On top of that, I lived in fear that my ex would make the process even worse if I showed any weakness at all (DARVO: if you’ve lived it, I’m so sorry… god, even writing this now, with contracts signed, I’m scared to hit submit). So I kept my struggles out of the public light. I’d share bits with friends to find support, but I was stuck in this situation with no way out but through.
I had a lawyer that sucked so bad he got out of family law and ditched his clients… and he had never forwarded communications with opposing council! I had to start from scratch this January, after nearly two years. I joke I should sue him for malpractice… and I hope he represents himself. 🙃
But… yeah. While I’ve been trying my best to be Lawful Good, my ex did stuff like pulling our adult kids into the process and causing a rift between them and me, and not responding to any of my 8 offers to try to wrap this up. They ran out the clock on the first court appointment, which meant it’d be 36 months before we could be seen by a judge to compel responses. Finances were stretched crazy tight keeping two households running all on my own… at times my monthly net salary covered half my rent, and we burned through our life savings.
I’ll go ahead and say they probably have formed a different perspective? We haven’t been able to talk through this process.
Oh man, and the opposing council was watching my expenses like a hawk. I had to provide hundreds of pages of documents, and they’d go over every transaction asking me to justify anything over $200 (including my own attorney’s fees and rent). It felt like 3 years of harassment, especially with the lack of any counter offers.
Divorce alone was extremely unpleasant. But that wasn’t all.
Other Isolations of 2020-2022
There were glimmers of hope, before COVID hit. I had the chance to have a few friends over to my apartment.
It was the first time I had someone over… in literally over a decade.
Not only was it challenging to have friends over during the entire relationship, in the final two years of marriage my ex had removed all physical affection. I could get a hug once or twice a month (their arms at the side, never being held). I was isolated at home: Furry conventions were the only place I could get physical affection.
But now I was free! I had my own place! I had plans to have fursuit cuddle parties and watch movies. To have gatherings in the apartment building’s party room!
And then COVID hit.
I had to isolate hardcore due to my hyperactive immune system. So I was living alone with no podmates to connect with.
Aaaaand my car blew up 3 months into COVID (engine self-destructed and it’s a write-off). I tried getting a replacement, and it blew a head gasket two weeks later, which was further isolating. I don’t want to bother people, so… I did the best I could. Thank you, so much, to the friend who read between the lines and drove out in my darkest hour to whisk me away for midnight IHOP.
Oh yeah, and I began my transition MtF Friday the 13th, December 2019, just before lockdown, so I was going through a lot of changes… alone. 🙃
Talk about turning on life’s hard-mode.
Coupled with it all, there were two, months-long bouts of serotonin imbalance, caused by two different supplements. That generated pretty intense levels of depression, deeper than I already had, that were challenging to survive.
I mentioned it’s been an interesting couple of years? XD
I like to think we have a lot of resilience, but the cost to survive the last five years… well, it broke us in several ways (just one of which was the development of non-disassasociative multiple personalities, a “plurality system” I can go into in another post).
Thank god for VRChat!! I have an alt account there I spend a craaazy amount of time dancing for a variety of exotic clubs under, it’s gotten me very fit! It genuinely saved our lives. I became a very good dancer, and I’ve become athletic, and I can help people improve their craft as a dance instructor… I’m really enjoying this body!
30 Days of My Life Completely Changing
But, OH MY GOD. The last thirty days have been a WHIRLWIND. Something happened in the universe, and my life is changing all at once.
At AnthroNW, I got COVID, and I survived. I did have long covid for about a month, but I’m back to about 80% of where I was before. I don’t have to live in fear of the cytokine storm any longer! God, so much anxiety over that possibility… I should write an entire post just on my protocols for returning from outside: it’d take 30-50 minutes just to return from checking the mail (yes, I let my OCD do its thing and protect me this time).
Last month I was managed out of the job I created from scratch 11 years ago. They didn’t need an architect or big thinker, just a drone that could knock out predefined reports. My boss recognized the disconnect, and recommended I go join the new cybersecurity team. I’m working on such fascinating problems, and I have a lead that’s excited about what I do. WIN/WIN!
I had injured myself dancing too hard in January, straining my Achilles tendon. As of this week, I’ve finally graduated from physical therapy! Not to mention how very fit I’ve become with all the VR dancing. I lost a bit to COVID, but I’m regaining my stamina and strength.
AND THE DIVORCE IS FINALLY DONE!
The first day of the BLFC last week, I spent in downtown Reno in a divorce mediation call. Oh, I could write an entire post about that. And about the celebration of BLFC itself. 😀
We ended so fast: My lawyer said she’s never seen a refund from the mediator before. She also said she’s never seen a client so happy (mediation’s usually about both parties getting the suckiest option they’ll agree to).
Don’t get me wrong, I am left with all of the high-interest debt (and a few big loans). Everything’s been maxed as I juggled to keep us afloat and not lose the house, so I’m working on a pay-down plan to get me in the black.
But new chapters are finally beginning. I suppose I’ve always wanted to embrace minimalism, this is my chance.
Oh. My. God… I get my legal name change! I’ve been deadnamed for years, because I thought I’d make the ‘amicable’ divorce go smoother by just changing the name as part of the divorce, and avoid confusion with mortgages if the name change was happening in the midst of transferring loans, etc. I’ve asked that we file paperwork in July, so I can celebrate my rebirth on July 4th. FREEDOM!
Impact to Events
Soooo, I don’t have much day-to-day liquidity for stuff like down-payments to reserve a freakin’ pirate ship or two. 😅
I need to take at least one more month or so to get back on my feet. I have a LOT of paperwork I’m trying to get done before the name change would throw fraud alerts around. And then changing your name is an entire ordeal all on its own.
Starting in August (or even September), the events I run will need to be a bit more on the affordable side: I’m going to focus on local gatherings at my Redmond apartment party room, and the nearby grass park.
Once I can get a working car, we can add in Seattle public suiting events like the Suiting On The Boardwalk I started out with!
Finally, when I get the credit situation under control… I can start working on the ticketed events.
Unfortunately the company with the open-air trolley didn’t make it through COVID, but I’m keeping my eye open for other options.
Summary
I’ve missed you all. I’ve missed having fun times together. I can’t wait to getting back to wonderful and hella-unique adventures with you all. I’m overwhelmed at the moment as life suddenly lurches into gear, after spending 3 years in neutral just trying to coast and survive.
Now… now I think I may just be able to thrive.
Thanks for sticking around!
Sincerely,
-Albejorn*
* You know, I’m not sure I’m going to keep the name Albejorn? I’ve had the name for 26 years. One reason I’ve not been suiting is that the suit isn’t… me anymore. Gonna think more about this. I dunno… been thinking hard about everything.
Truth is, life’s too short if something isn’t sitting right: Think deep about it, and make a change for the better: You’re worth it.